Those Aren’t Butterflies In Your Stomach

26Jun09

 

 

     Think back to when you first met someone you fell for.

     I remember my experience vividly.

     On the first few occasions we met, I was a right mess. My heart was racing. My mouth was dry. I was nervous, excited and bewildered all at once, a feeling as profound as it was indescribable. When I was in her company a certain orb would form around us, and everything outside that orb paled into a strange insignificance. I’d wake up smiling. Come home dancing. I’d get intoxicated from her scent on my clothes. I’d go to sleep singing. Happiness was swimming through my veins.

     When the initial butterflies settled and the dating started in earnest, other more curious things started happening. I lost my appetite, for food and my normal social life. I didn’t care much for sleep, preferring instead to lay on my back under the covers at night just thinking about her. I spent most of my waking hours daydreaming about her. I had become a zombie, bitten by Cupid.

     This is the stage at which my much neglected friends shook their heads and laughed, preferring to bite their tongue and not use the famous metaphor involving a feline and a whip when in my presence, because the next stage of my relatioship with this girl was perhaps the most hard to drag me away from - Tarzan Grip attachment.

     This is something that we’re all familiar with. The overwhelming desire to spend as much of our time as possible with our significant other. I was wholeheartedly devoted to her, and found that I developed strong protective instincts such as possessiveness and jealousy, which were more curses upon me than anything, but served to demonstrate just how crazy I really was about her.

     Well…there’s actually quite a sane explanation for all this madness that straps us into the emotional rollercoaster ride we call being “in love”, and what’s more – it’s staggeringly logical.

     Perhaps the first thing worth looking at is the very hormones that act as neurotransmitters in our brain and cause all of these feelings, which in turn lead to all these kinds of behaviour. This is extremely important, because it shows us what is chemically happening inside us during these first meetings, dates, first kisses, etc.

     The three stages usually involved are lust, attraction and attachment, and each have corresponding hormones working away rigorously during each stage. 

     The first stage (lust) is induced primarily by testosterone in men and oestrogen in women. This is when we’re “scoping” our prospective partner. We like what we see, and our neurotransmitters seek to emotionally make a good link to that person, and if the connection is made then usually some flirting is in good order and the sparks start flying. But the rest certainly isn’t history yet.

     The second phenomenon (attraction) is kicked off by a trio of adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. This is when your heart starts racing, your hands might shake a little and your mouth will get dry. Sound familar? The metaphor of ‘butterflies in the stomach’ often sums it up pretty well. This is all a result of our “stress responses” triggered by the combination of these hormones coming into play, which ultimately affect the way we act around the person we’re attracted to. The adrenaline is what makes the heart race, hands shake, the “butterflies”, etc. The dopamine is the culprit that’s to blame for our enhanced energy and lack of sleep and appetite during our “puppy love” phase, and finally the serotonin is to thank for all those lovely feelings of euphoria and obsession while we’re thinking of nothing but their smile, voice, laugh, etc.

     The third and perhaps most important stage (attachment) is ensured by two very curious hormones, being oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin is what gives us the intense and deep feelings of emotional attachment, and thus we form a strong bond with our partner. Oxytocin is often called ”the cuddle hormone”, because it inspires the desire for regular intimacy with our mate. We find ourselves preferring to spend a night under the covers with our other half rather than out on the town with our friends. The vasopressin hormone activates our protective/possessive instincts, especially when a newborn is involved. Interesting studies on the male prairie vole have revealed that vasopressin is definitely a key part of the ‘devotion’ factor. For example, when scientists gave male prairie voles a drug which suppresses the effect of vasopressin, the prairie vole’s bond with their partner deteriorated immediately and they lost their protective instincts completely when around their mate. Reading this kind of thing breaks my heart, but is still a very interesting thing to learn when juxtaposed with vasopressin’s effects on the human brain.

     In summary, the process of falling in love is purely scientific, which may be a plain truism for many, but the reward of understanding (and remembering) it can sometimes mean the difference between happiness and heartbreak.

     Above all else, this intriguing little science lesson serves to remind us that there are forces at play inside our bodies, creative and mischievous little Gods, if you like. Forever seeking to wrap around our emotions like strong vines, twisting and contorting what we feel and percieve. We become slaves, starry-eyed and willing. We fall, swim, come ashore, get back up on to our feet, brush ourselves off and then do it all over again. And most curiously, we ask ourselves why.

     Well here’s your answer  

     -BJH

Filed under: Food for Thought, Health & Wellbeing, Humanity   |  2 Comments
Tags: adrenaline, hormones, love, men, oestrogen, oxytocin, relationships, Science, serotonin, sex, testosterone, women